Today, I’ve learnt a valuable lesson about how I treat myself & want to share it because it feels like an important revelation.
It’s this: I never give myself enough credit for anything I ever do, ever and I am sick of it. Nearly two months ago, I quit smoking & as a result, have put on half a stone (not bad considering I lost a whole stone between January and June), & Yet, I heard myself saying to someone that I am not counting the weeks since I stopped smoking because that would sound like a celebration and actually, I shouldn’t have started smoking in the first place (ouch!).
Then, because my jeans are feeling a bit tight, I decided I must put myself through a gruelling and tiresome 30 day detox which I endeavoured to start this morning and which is not doubt good for me, but as I gagged my way through a sour greek yoghurt, spinach and chia seed smoothie, I began to question my WHY. And I came to the conclusion that my reasons for doing it were not really for my health at all but in fact, a form of self sabotage.
You see, I am finally in a good place mentally, am proud to be hitting my daily word count of 2,000 words for my first novel (something I AM allowing myself to do after years & years of not writing due to Catholic and working class guilt), feeling good and then…and then, BAM! In comes the critical voice telling me I’m getting fat!! I’m not having it anymore! I am tired of listening to the shite it spurts to stop me from living a happy & fulfilled life and I am tired of getting in my own way when it comes to writing & so much more. So, this is my declaration as of today: I AM ENOUGH, I CAN AND WILL WRITE A BOOK AND I WILL EAT CAKE AS I DO SO!
End of rant and that feels good!